Dr. Mike Robinson ~ UL Communication Studies Professor
Wow, it’s the fourth year. You’ve been surviving these Halloween crises so well; folks are probably starting to look at you as the one who will save them all. But just because you’ve been so successful, don’t think you know it all. The Nerd Factor still has a lot of wisdom to impart that will help you decide if you might be in trouble this Halloween.
If you thought that you and your friends took care of that clown years ago, then you might be in trouble this Halloween.
If that mask you’re wearing came from the Silver Shamrock Company, then you might be in trouble this Halloween.
If the patterns on your wall look like faces, then you might be in trouble this Halloween. If those faces are pushing out from the wall and moaning, then you are definitely in trouble this Halloween.
If the previous owners of that antique doll are unidentified . . . or unidentifiable, then you might be in trouble this Halloween.
If the twins down the hall want you to stay and play, then you might be in trouble this Halloween.
If you don’t blink when you’re around any statues, then you won’t be in any trouble this Halloween or any other day. It’s easy not to blink, right?
If you really have to know what’s behind that door, then you might be in trouble this Halloween.
If you are absolutely certain that there is no way the killer is getting back up again after what you just did to him, then you might be in trouble this Halloween.
If everybody else in the apartment building belongs to the same cult, then you might be in trouble this Halloween. But still, if the place is rent-controlled, you might want to stick around anyway. You can’t normally get views like that in the city for such a low rent.
If you have to cross through the cemetery to get home, then you might be in trouble this Halloween.
If your date expresses a fondness for raw meat, then you might be in trouble this Halloween. If you are not in a restaurant or are not talking about anything food-related at the time this happens, then you will probably be in trouble this Halloween.
If somebody in your life looks like or is Jamie Lee Curtis, then you might be in trouble this Halloween.
If you are prone to making wrong turns while driving, particularly when you are out in the country, then you might be in trouble this Halloween.
If the guy you rescued says no one else survived his expedition, then you might be in trouble this Halloween.
If you’re working retail with a guy named Ash Williams, then you might be in trouble this Halloween or just about any other day this year really. You should probably look for another job.
If when you look out the window there seems to be more of “them”, then you might be in trouble this Halloween.
If someone else’s eyes are glowing, then you might be in trouble this Halloween. If your eyes are glowing, well then if you really think about it, then they’re the ones with a problem, aren’t they?