She Said: Lemme Smash
Sarah Irby, Editor in Chief~
You know what really grinds my gears? When you meet someone new, you have good conversations and find out you have a lot in common with them, only for them to make one fatal blunder: the sexual advance.
Sure, maybe it’s fine if you’re both feeling it, and you’ve known each other for a hot minute (no, this doesn’t apply to one-night stands, because you have certain expectations), but when you’ve known someone for less than a month, and you think a friendship is budding, only for them to reveal their true intentions, it can be a little dismaying.
This seems to happen to me a lot if I’m being honest, both with new people and with those I’ve been friends with for quite some time. I’ll interact with guys in a normal manner, with no evidence that I am being anything other than friendly, just for them to say something inappropriate out of the blue.
It’s upsetting because you think: Wow, this is what was on their mind the whole time. They aren’t actually concerned with getting to know me as a person; they’re just interested in my body. With this realization comes the feeling that you’re only being seen as an object, and not just any object, but an object for someone else’s pleasure (Yes, how may I serve you?). Never mind the fact that you’re a human being with a unique personality, with feelings, with a history of your own and so much more.
It starts to tear you down after a while, especially when you see beautiful women around you who are being wooed by men who see their worth and are willing to put in work to make them a part of their life. As I’ve said before, I’m not the keenest on relationships, so it’s not a matter of not having a boyfriend, but a matter of the principle behind it. You start to ask yourself why no one sees you as girlfriend material, why no one is asking you on a date or making thoughtful gestures, why no one seems to see you as deserving of romance rather than a few hot moments, why no one is perceiving you as a whole person instead of a body.
I’ll be the first to say it’s this kind of sexual attention that makes me feel insufficient sometimes. But I have to remind myself that it’s how I view myself that’s the most important. I know what kind of person I am, and that I’m worth more than what is being offered to me.
The harder you try, the more disgusted I’m going to be by you, so it’s best you hang it up while you still have the chance. Why a man would just flat-out assume that any woman would be delighted to sleep with him is beyond me. You are not God’s gift to our sex, so please take a lesson from the book of being a decent human being and learn to treat people with respect.
Sure, I write this column and I can be found in the forefront of risque discussions, but that absolutely does not mean that I appreciate or desire your advances. I write and talk about what is interesting to me, but there are plenty of topics I find fascinating and don’t choose to pursue. I mean, the act of cannibalism is intriguing, but it’s not something I’m going to do. And neither are you.