Dr. Mike ~ UL Communication Studies Professor
Ultimately, the only sane choice for a superhero to make is to date a supervillain.
When you become a superhero, you rarely get training. Most of the important lessons come in the field. Sure, there are organizations that will teach an up and coming superhero. The Avengers could provide outstanding training in your power and teamwork, for example. Join the X-Men and you will get all of that plus a classic liberal arts education at Xavier’s School. What no organization seems to teach about though is one of the most important superhero topics of all—love.
Superheroics is a public career. There are many opportunities to meet potential partners. You may find yourself rescuing people. You will certainly fight crime alongside law enforcement personnel. You will encounter interesting and intelligent people in careers such as science and journalism. Finally, you will even meet some intriguing supervillains.
Additionally, you will also have your own private life. Your secret identity will bring you the same options for meeting potential romantic partners, thus doubling the opportunities.
With great dating powers comes great dating responsibilities though. Eventually, every superhero must answer the question—“Am I a danger to those around me?”
The answer is almost invariably “yes.”
After all, that is why you wear a mask. If the public should learn who you truly are, you would be hounded to the point that it would be impossible to live any kind of private existence. If a supervillain should unmask you, then everyone you have ever cared about instantly becomes a target, from your ailing elderly aunt to the bully who tormented you in high school. A lover would certainly be under the greatest threat of all.
Every superhero’s worst fears were realized when the Green Goblin knocked poor Gwen Stacy off of a bridge back in 1973. Her fatal plunge is certainly a prime example of why superheroes should never get romantically involved with any ordinary people.
What is a superhero to do though? Surely, the fights-in-tights crown cannot forswear all romantic involvement. That seems cruel. Such dating self-control also jeopardizes their mental health. Forced isolation could result in anxiety and other mental health issues. The public certainly cannot afford to have these powerful beings cracking up under the neurotic strain.
If the safety of your true love is at issue, you could date other superheroes. After all, they have the power to protect themselves from any villains who come after them.
However, there are always risks to any interoffice romance. This is why many companies forbid such interactions. While I am unfamiliar with the exact Justice League or Avengers rules on fraternization, no matter how permissive the policy, the simple fact of the matter is that super-dating could lead to super-breaking up.
Thus, the only person left for a superhero is a supervillain.
Now, I am not suggesting you go out with just any supervillain. You do not want one of those megalomaniac world-conqueror types who monologue constantly. You do not want someone obsessed with revenge on another superhero. What you need is a pragmatic, crime-oriented type. You know– your basic thief with some gadgets and maybe a theme (but not too crazy—think “cats” not “clocks” or “condiments”).
A supervillain will understand you and the demands of your job. A supervillain will not menace your loved one because they are the loved one. Yes, there is that little matter of crime to work out, but hey, love finds a way.