Dr. Mike Robinson ~ UL Communication

When I arrived at the restaurant, Thanos was nowhere to be seen. Thanos is a notoriously difficult interview to get. He does not do the usual press junkets.  He did not really sit down with anyone to promote his last movie. The popular theory on this reluctance is that Thanos is not actually real. I had factored that into my interview plan, of course, but this was still too good of a chance to pass up.

Thanos’ absence was one thing, but my more immediate worry was the restaurant itself.  Oh, it was a fine establishment with some old school art deco touches and a particularly pleasant outdoor eating area in the back that despite being private felt like dining in a vast garden.

The clientele was what gave me pause. There were a lot of people who were, in polite terms, somewhat dangerous. A large party of green-suited men was celebrating a birthday in back.  They kept quiet except for the occasional group outburst of “Hail Hydra!” I am pretty sure the scaly guy in the shades at a nearby table was Killer Croc. He was talking to his agent about finally getting into a Batman movie. I carefully looked away. Also, I saw the White Queen flirting with some Hollywood executive type. I got really worried when she briefly smiled at me.

For my own safety, I submerged my reporter’s instincts. Discretion was my watchword and maybe the main appeal of the eatery itself.  Perhaps that is why Thanos’ people picked this place. Thanos’ people, by the way, tend to have many teeth and multiple limbs that end sharply. They are quite convincing.

Thanos arrived and actually apologized for the delay. It is really something when the most powerful person in the universe apologizes to you. Makes you feel just a bit less inconsequential. Thanos was wearing a nice casual outfit, the kind of t-shirt and sport coat combo that many celebrities favor. Despite its size, his gauntlet tucked smartly under one of the impeccably tailored sleeves. He had a cap pulled down over his head and sunglasses, purple-tinted of course. I got the feeling he did not want to be seen here. But I am sure everybody recognized the chin.

We ordered our food. Thanos gave an accomplished smile when it arrived, saying, “See?  There is plenty now.” I kind of lost my appetite at that, but Thanos was a hearty eater. He did not talk much during the actual meal though. Instead, he meticulously picked through his food, particularly his salad. I swore I heard him mutter “damn Ant-Man” under his breath during this.  

Afterwards, Thanos was very cordial. He talked about how excited he was to be going up against the Avengers again soon. Ever confident, he expected to win. After that, he wanted a break. He said he might step away from the in front of the screen and do some directing.  

As our meal ended, I lost my fear and decided to ask the question on my mind.  Why had the mighty Thanos finally consented to give an interview and give it to a small university newspaper columnist?

His answer chilled me to the bone. “I had to do one interview,” Thanos said stonily.

I was speechless, but Thanos read my quizzical look. He added, “Maybe you just don’t understand how powerful Disney is on the other side of this Fox acquisition.”

And then he got up and walked away.